When I read in the media that the family is not as it once was, or the fabric of society is breaking down, I wonder how we got to this stage.  I hear people in relationships, bemoaning about the state of things; how certain instances, behaviours, etc, drive them mad.  How they tolerate arguing, a lack of intimacy, and a general lack of doing anything together as a couple or family, and I wonder why we put up with this and not do anything constructive about it.

In the middle of a restless night, it came to me.  I think that we don’t try to fix something because we are scared.  What of? The effort, plain and simple.  To try and fix a part of our relationship that isn’t great requires effort, possible change (either of our behaviour or thinking), and this needs energy.  Frankly, I think we don’t have any energy left.  We are busy running around doing other stuff, fixing things for other people that we don’t have the strength left to fix our issues.

For example our kettle lid is broken.  It’s a faff to have to prise it off to put the water in; so we find another way to get water in to it – through the spout!  How long are going to tolerate this annoyance?  Until it is properly broken and no longer boils water?  I know of someone who put up with a leaking kettle for over a year.  The thought of being electrocuted wasn’t enough to motivate them into buying a new one.  Why? Because to research what type of kettle they wanted, find it at the best price and then order and or fetch it was just too much hassle.  The price wasn’t an issue; they could have afforded a dozen kettles if they’d wanted.  The issue was the effort.

Apply this rationale to your relationship.  One of you has a habit which drives the other one nuts!  We may have put up with this for years.  But to find a way of sorting it out is going to require effort.  How much time, energy and money are you prepared to invest to make the problem disappear.  You probably won’t because you perceive it’s easier to put up with the problem.  You occasionally vent your feelings about it to friends or family or even to your loved one.  But the following day, things go back to the way they were.

What is the long term cost of not doing anything about it?  Eventually the issue becomes the focus of your day.  You compound it further by heaping on top of it all the other things that are ‘wrong’ with your relationship.  In the end, you get tired of doing of nothing, you run out of energy.  You realise it’s far too late to resolve the issues and 48% of marriages decide to get divorced.  The cost of this is loss of security, lawyer’s fees, dealing with child care issues, etc, etc.

What is the long term cost of solving the problem in the first instance?  You might have a few rows about it and go to bed not talking.  You might feel like they are the perpetrator and you the victim.  You might seek counsel with your best friend or family member.  You could seek the advice or a trained professional, who for a few hundred pounds can give you the tools to fix every problem that your relationship comes across.

If you lost a loved one because of a broken kettle, how many would you wish you had bought?

This article is for information purposes only and not intended to constitute professional advice as circumstances will vary from person to person.  Belinda King t/a Beta Relationships makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information in this article and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use.